Peeple, Yelp for People, Is Possibly the Worst App In History

Peeple, Yelp for People, Is Possibly the Worst App In History

Some days you wake up and think the world is spinning in the right direction. Other days you wake up, learn about the existence of Peeple, an app that rates human beings on a one-to-five scale, and wonder whether nihilists are actually onto something.

Peeple allows users to deliver unsolicited, unverifiable and irremovable reviews of people. It’s just like Yelp, but instead of restaurants and local businesses, friends and strangers alike are the targets of judgment.

Having apparently never used the Internet herself, founder and professional sociopath Julia Cordray said, “We want to spread love and positivity.”

To be sure, news of the app’s creation has been met with anything but love and positivity. Public vitriol has been compounded by a bevy of legal analysts raising concerns over privacy violations and lawsuits.

Thankfully, there is still a sliver of hope that Cordray’s morally destitute service will falter before it pollutes the tech space responsible for much of the new economy’s exciting innovation.

You Can Check-Out Any Time You Like, But You Can Never Leave

In order for your name to appear on Peeple, you just need someone, anyone to know your phone number. (Peeple initially wanted to scrape everyone’s Facebook profiles, but that was deemed too invasive).

After your existence has been verified, your secret admirer says how they know you (personally, professionally, romantically), reviews you and then rates you on a 1-5 scale. If you’re a rational human being and haven’t created an account, you’ll be notified via text message (they have your phone remember) and have the chance to access your account.

Herein lies the trap – if you don’t “own” your account, only positive reviews will be posted while negative reviews will sit in the inbox you never asked for. But, if curiosity gets the better of you and you “own” your profile, all negative and positive reviews go live without your ability to turn off your account. Welcome to hell.

You Get This is a Terrible Idea, Right?

For those wondering how a review is deemed positive or negative, fear not – Peeple’s in-house team of demigods gets final say over the value you bring to this planet.

Unsurprisingly, Cordray and her idea have received ratings from people who disagree with her motto, “All that matters is what people say about us.” Anyone who has attended middle school (since education is compulsory in the United States, everyone raise your hand) won’t have a hard time imagining Peeple being used to streamline bullying.

Perhaps even more seriously, the app needs no changes whatsoever to be effectively applied as a cyber-stalking tool. Consider someone who refuses to “own” his or her account. Even if all the reviews are positive by Peeple’s omnipotent judgment, a person’s location, relationship status and place of employment are all easily deducible. For reasons apparently not obvious to everyone, this is remarkably dangerous.

A Two-Star Homeless Woman and A Car Ride from Hell

To be fair to Cordray, it isn’t entirely clear whether she’s actually devoid of moral fiber or merely ignorant of the fact that she’s a strutting, sneering contradiction unto herself. Having stated that “freedom is my #1 value” on her day job’s website, Cordray has since gone about creating a system that collects and publicizes the personal information of unwilling participants.

Crucial insight into Cordray’s mind comes via a “behind-the-scenes” promotional video posted to Peeple’s Youtube channel.

In the grisliest car ride since Final Destination, Cordray terrifies and delights in a remarkable display of narcissism. “I’ve never believed in anything more than I believe in this project…this company answers my ‘Why?’” she says to co-founder Nicole McCullough.

Soon after, Cordray’s humanity comes to the fore when, having come to a stop at an intersection, a homeless woman fortuitously comes to the driver side window. In what may be the most asinine question in the history of mankind, Cordray asks “Do you like snacks? How ’bout some candy?” before handing a bulging grocery bag to the woman. The woman is cleaner than most homeless people, but still creeps me out and makes me feel guilty – Two Stars.

The ride’s merciful conclusion sees Cordray remark that she’s so pleased by her app, that the development team’s latest progress brought tears to her eyes.

A Small Sliver of Hope

Despite a scheduled November launch, there remains a viable chance that legal difficulties may delay and ultimately derail Peeple in its current form. Though it would be reassuring if the lack of necessary consent by the rated were illegal, this actually may not be a sufficient factor to kill the app.

Instead, the bulk collection of cell phone numbers is humanity’s likelier saving grace. As Jeff Hermes, deputy director of the Media Law Resource Center, told the International Business Times, “The compelled disclosure of this information might be looked at as an unfair business practice.”

Of course, no one, including Cordray herself, needs a legal degree to understand that Peeple is a destructive concept that will prove to be a societal source of anxiety and harm. As Forbes staff writer Clare O’Connor pointed out to Cordray:

https://twitter.com/Clare_OC/status/649529446249201664?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

No, Clare, apparently she can’t.